


Memories

by littlesciencebabies (readaholic2200)



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: F/M, Memory Loss, Written before Season 2, alternate version to fitz waking up, jemma's not in hydra, season 2 just doesn't apply in this, so no characters from season 2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-13
Updated: 2014-10-13
Packaged: 2018-02-21 00:08:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2448110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/readaholic2200/pseuds/littlesciencebabies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alternate version to Fitz waking up after the pod incident.</p><p>When Fitz woke up, he knew nothing. Not where he was, not what happened, not who any of the people watching him were, and definitely not who he was.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Memories

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this before season 2 aired, so nothing from season 2 applies here.

When Fitz woke up, he knew nothing. Not where he was, not what happened, not who any of the people watching him were, and definitely not who he was. Understandably, he was freaking out when he realized he was connecting to what seemed like miles of wires, and tried to rip them off. Coulson and Trip had to eventually hold him down, while Jemma was saying calming words while simultaneously trying to calm herself down.

After giving Fitz the basics—what his name was, what he did as a job, and who they were—they finally got him to relax and eat. Jemma, for the first time in two weeks, had to go and mull things over in a different room.

She couldn’t see Fitz, not when he looked at her like a total stranger. She couldn’t bear to see him like this, not after what they’ve just been through. Such events that he didn’t remember at all.

Jemma had read stories about amnesia patients who had gotten their memories back after weeks, sometimes even months, of being immersed in constant stimuli of their past, and even then, some things would have been left out. What if he didn’t remember their friendship? They’d have to start from the ground up. What if he didn’t like her? There were too many variables, and Jemma had never liked a situation without a few clear answers; none of this “what if” crap.

After Jemma had done a few of her breathing exercises—which she had only recently taken to doing—she went back into Fitz’s room. He was currently finishing eating an apple, one of the fruits Jemma knew old-Fitz hated.

“Hey, Fitz,” she said hesitantly, going to sit in her now permanent chair next to his bed.

“Why does everyone call me Fitz?” he immediately responded, putting the apple core on the tray in his lap. “Isn’t my name Leo?”

Deep breath in, hold, let out.

“Well, your real name is Leopold James Fitz,” Jemma started to explain. “The only time anyone ever calls you Leopold is when your mum’s angry at you or when you’re being formally introduced somewhere. No one really calls you Leo except for your mum and,” Jemma hesitated, “and sometimes myself. You’ve always preferred being called Fitz. You said that it suits you.”

“Hm,” Fitz bit the inside of his cheek. “I kind of like Leo, though.”

Deep breath in, hold, let out.

“So, were you like my girlfriend before whatever happened or was it that pretty brunette from earlier? Her name was like, Star, no, Skye! That’s it.” He smiled at his small accomplishment.

Jemma tried not to snort laughing at that comment. It’s not like she hadn’t thought of the idea of being his _girlfriend_ before, especially more often now since the pod incident, but it was very cute how Fitz tried to remember Skye’s name. It was a nice break from the stress she’s been in since they got to the Playground.

“No, me and you were—are best friends. And Skye’s another one of our friends.”

“Okay…Jemma?” he looked at her, eyebrows raised, silently asking if he got her name right. When she nodded, he smiled again. “So, do I have a girlfriend or a boyfriend? I mean, I feel like I’m interested in girls, but I’m not entirely sure, seeing as I just woke up with no memory barely an hour ago.”

Deep breath in, hold, let out.

“No, there were no romantic partners in your life at the moment,” Jemma replied as calmly as possible. _Although you kind of confessed your love for me right before you sacrificed yourself._

Jemma needed to do something to distract herself instead of trying not to cry while looking at Fitz. She walked to his bedside and checked his vitals, even though she could tell from her sitting position that everything was fine.

“Are you a nurse?” From so close, Jemma could tell that Fitz was trying out the Scottish accent like a new pair of shoes. It had to be walked around in before becoming entirely comfortable. The accent didn’t sound 100% natural on his lips, but she knew he had to get used to it since he just woke up.

Deep breath in, hold, let out.

“No, I’m a biochemist, but I probably could work as a nurse, but I don’t think that would put my two PhDs to good use,” Jemma said nonchalantly, while checking his IV. That caused Fitz to laugh, that oh-so-familiar laugh that pulled at Jemma’s heartstrings like it was playing the violin.

Deep breath in, hold, let out. Deep breath in, hold, let out.

“Do you know what happened?”

“What happened when?” Now checking his pulse, refusing to make eye contact.

Deep breath in, hold, let out. Deep breath in, hold, let out. Deep breath in, hold, let out.

“When I lost my memory?”

Deep breath in, hold—oh, screw it, it wasn’t working. She moved away from the machines and back to her chair, putting her head between her knees, taking deep breaths in, trying her various methods. Nothing was working.

She was definitely having a panic attack. The hyperventilation, heart beating faster than a speeding car, her uncontrollable shaking. All signs of a panic attack.

“Hey, are you ok, Jemma?” Fitz asked, worried. _Yeah, and you’re more than that, Jemma._

“Don-Don’t call me Jemma!” she yelled frantically, breathing heavier.

“Wh-What do I call you then?” Fitz tried to get up, but due to the mountains of wires hooked up to him, he was forced to stay lying down.

“Simmons. Just Simmons.” She tried to find the comm link on the wall that was supposed to be used to call Coulson and Billy in case of an emergency. Jemma thought her panic attack was deemed an emergency, so she slammed her fist on the button before sitting back in her chair, head between her knees.

“Is there anything I can do to help fix this?” Fitz’s tentative voice came out, treading lightly on the situation.

_We’re gonna fix this. Together._

“Don’t…don’t talk. At all. Just wait until Coulson comes back.” She started to massage her temples, trying to get all their memories, good and bad, to stop playing like a montage in her mind.

_And every part of us now was once a part of some other thing. A moon, a storm cloud, a mammoth…_  
_A monkey?_  
_A monkey._

_Well, at least we still have each other._

_I shot a superior officer in the chest._

_I was going to do it. I had the antiserum, the chute, everything. I just…couldn’t get the straps on._

_The cat. Tell him about the cat. You left its liver next to my lunch._

_Your favorite sandwich. Prosciutto and buffalo mozzarella._  
_With your homemade pesto aioli?_  
_Just a hint._

_Because I’m pretty sure that every minute of every day, you’ve been stuck in a lab right beside me. At the Academy, at Sci-Ops, this plane. You’ve been beside me the whole damn time._

Jemma had to get these memories out of her mind. This was too much. The wave of emotions was just too strong, and she was 100 percent positive that she was going to start bawling in front of this stranger in Fitz’s body.

Luckily, Coulson came rushing into the room, gun at the ready.

“What’s going on? Is anyone in danger?” May, Skye and Trip came rushing in the room soon after.

“No, but I think Jem—no, Simmons is having a panic attack,” Fitz said, pointing to Jemma, now curled up on the couch, hyperventilating. Skye rushed over and put a comforting hand on her friend’s back.

“What’s wrong, Simmons?” she asked soothingly.

“I-I can’t t-take it,” Jemma panted out. “I-it’s too much. I don’t know wh-what to do.”

Jemma didn’t like not knowing what to do. In her mind, every problem had a solution, no matter how big or small. But this was the one problem she had no idea how to fix.

“It’s ok. All we have to do is just to keep reminding him of his past, and he’ll eventually remember. You and the other doctors will take good care of him. I know it,” Skye comforted.

Once the tears had stopped their steady flow from her eyes, Jemma sat up, wiped her cheeks, and studied the room around her. Skye was right next to her, smiling sadly. Standing in the doorway was Coulson, Trip, and May, obviously not knowing what to do. Over on the left side of the room was Fitz—or what was Fitz—looking extremely concerned for her, even trying to sit up, despite the nurse’s—when did she get here?—commands.

“Come on, Simmons. Let’s go to my bunk and talk it out,” Skye whispered in her ear. Jemma nodded slightly before following Skye out of the medical ward and into her bunk.

They talked for a good hour and a half. Jemma ranted about all her fears and anxieties about Fitz. She poured out everything she had thought about from the moment she woke up after rescuing Fitz in the pod until now. Skye barely said a word, just letting her friend talk and let her emotions out.

Once Jemma seemed to be done with her rant, Skye told her that she could rest in her bunk. Jemma protested, saying that she didn’t need a nap, that it was for children, and she was a grown woman with two PhDs, thank you very much. But Skye insisted, protesting that Jemma hadn’t had a good night’s sleep in probably over two weeks. Jemma couldn’t argue with that, so she reluctantly agreed to sleep in Skye’s bunk.

Right before Skye left, she said to Jemma, “I know this is kinda awkward, but you told me that Fitz confessed his…love to you right before the incident, but do you, you know, maybe love him back? I know you said you didn’t know how you felt then, but it’s been two weeks, and you’ve obviously had time to think about it. So, what have you thought about it? Do you like him?”

Skye grinned widely, hoping that her friend would say yes to the question. Skye had seen the _obvious_ sexual tension between the two scientists, and had hoped that they would get together one day, or else she would have to intervene herself.

The question kind of put Jemma aback for a second when Skye asked it. Of course, she _had_ thought about it before, but it was hard to put out a definite answer about this complicated subject right on the spot.

“I…I don’t know. Maybe.”

“Ok,” Skye smiled before turning the light off in the bunk. “Have a nice nap.”

 

The next day, Jemma had gathered up some pictures of her and Fitz from her recovered laptop from the Bus. She had asked Billy if she could use their printer to print it out to show Fitz. Of course, he told her yes, but with a small sympathetic smile. People had been giving her that smile ever since she had gotten to the Playground, and Jemma didn’t like it one bit.

As soon as everything was printed and Jemma had gotten her bearings together, she walked to the medical ward where Fitz was being held. She knocked on the door and showed her face through the glass door. When Fitz smiled, she walked in.

“Hey, Fitz. Um, so the doctors told me that we should start reminding you of your past to help jog your memory. So, this is what this is for.” She held up the stack of papers for emphasis. “It’s just a bunch of pictures that might help you remember.”

Jemma walked over to his bedside. “May I?” She motioned towards the side of the bed. Fitz nodded, then moved over a little to accommodate Jemma.

This reminded her of the times they spent together at the Academy, cramming for tests the day before, squished up on Fitz’s bed, quizzing each other. It almost felt right…almost.

“Well, let’s start off with your family life. I have only two pictures because that was all I could find on your mum’s Facebook page.” She gave a small smile. “Well, you lived with just your mum, Daisy, since you were 7, when your dad left. I don’t know much about this situation since you never liked to talk about it, and I never pressured you into talking. And this is a picture of you and her when you were 9, I believe.”

Jemma held up a picture of a tall brunette lady, Daisy Fitz, with a small Fitz at her side, holding up his miniature robot that just won 1st place in the science fair. Later, he had used that model to help with the prototype of the DWARFs.

“And this is when you got accepted into college at 16.” She held up that picture, which was of a slightly older Fitz holding his acceptance letter, with Daisy overdramatically kissing his cheek, which caused Fitz to have an annoyed expression.

“I also went to college at 16, and then we both went to the same post-grad school at 18.” Jemma rifled through the pictures to find the one she wanted. When she found the one, she said, “This is us when we first met.”

“What’s going on with my face?” Fitz pointed out, half-smiling.

“We were laughing, when my roommate surprised us, and this is your half-assed attempt of a smile.” Jemma bit her lip, smiling, remembering that moment fondly.

It was at the first party at the Academy, two weeks after they started. They had met when they had both hidden in the same corner to get away from all the commotion. They had started talking, and instantly had a connection. They were laughing at one of the jokes Fitz had made when Jemma’s roommate, Libby, had snuck up to their corner, yelled “Smile!” before taking a picture and posting it on her Facebook later that evening, tagging Jemma along with it.

Libby had taken the picture mid-laugh, so Jemma had her eyes closed and mouth open in laughter, while Fitz had tried to smile, but it ended up being a half-smile, half-laugh.

“Can I look through these?” Fitz asked, pointing at the pictures.

“Yeah, of course.” Jemma handed him the stack, nervously letting out a breath as she did.

He rifled through the pictures, smiling or laughing every so often, asking questions whenever he needed.

Once he finished looking through them, Fitz said, “That was really nice to, you know, kinda get to know what I was like, even though I can’t remember.”

Jemma tried to muster a smile, which just ended up being a slight upturn of her lips.

After a few incredibly awkward seconds of silence, Jemma clapped her hands together and said, “Um, I’m gonna go get some food. Do you want me to get you some?” She stood up from the bed and stretched, her muscles sore from sharing the cramped bed.

“No, I think the nurse is going to bring me some soon,” he replied, smiling up at her.

“Ok, I’ll see you soon, I guess.” She smiled back at him before leaving his room. She caught a glimpse of Fitz before leaving the medical ward, and she swore she saw the slightest trace of the real Fitz before it quickly went away.

 

Over the next two months, Fitz regained parts of his memory, mostly people with a couple of memories thrown in there. Unfortunately, he also remembered Ward but didn’t remember what happened to him with Hydra. The team agreed that it was best not to tell him, lest it cause another freakout like last time.

He also regained some of his engineering knowledge, but not all of it. Jemma had started taking him to the lab to help him relearn some things, but because of their differing majors, she couldn’t teach him everything. His latest project was trying to repair Dopey, who was acting very sporadic lately.

It was one month, three weeks, and four days since Fitz was discharged from the medical ward; two months, one week, and three days since he woke up; and two months, three weeks, and five days since they arrived at the Playground.

Jemma had woken up later than usual, due to her alarm accidentally not going off. When she checked the time, she saw that she had slept in for four hours. The previous afternoon, she had promised Fitz that she would meet up with him early in the morning to help fix the DWARF. She had overslept that meeting by two hours.

She immediately bolted out of bed and sloppily got ready, just barely throwing her lab coat on before leaving her bunk. She stopped by the kitchen quickly to grab a snack before heading to the lab, eating the toast on her way there.

As she got to the lab, she was finishing eating the last of the toast, and stayed outside of the glass doors, obeying her “no-eating-in-the-lab” rule. Jemma knocked on the doors to get Fitz’s attention as his back was facing her. When he turned around, a piece of toast almost fell out of her mouth.

This wasn’t the man she was working with the past month and a half. _This was Fitz._ This was her best friend, her lab partner, her _Fitz_. Jemma immediately rushed into the lab, disregarding the toast.

“Leo?” she whispered anxiously, worrying that it might not actually be him.

He smiled _his smile_ before saying, “Hey, Jem.” His accent was _his accent,_ and it was _his mannerisms_ and it was just _him_.

“Oh my god,” her voice quivered before running up to him and hugging him. “You’re back. You’re back.”

Tears started to spring to her eyes when he squeezed her tight and buried his face into the curve of her neck. She felt his chest tremble beneath her own trembling one, and she started to sob silently, the tears now running down her face.

After a good five minutes of them embracing, Fitz pulled away. Jemma didn’t want to let go, afraid that if she did, he would be lost again. She wiped the tears away from her eyes and cheeks, just taking in the moment around her.

Jemma had so many questions. When did he remember? Did he remember _everything_? How did it happen?

All that came out was just, “How?”

Somehow Fitz understood. It was like before.

“I don’t know. I just woke up and remembered everything. The last thing I remember was being in the pod underwater, and I get glimpses of what happened during the time when I forgot.”

“So, that’s how you knew to come here and fix Dopey?” Jemma noticed that the DWARF was already up and running, whirring and blinking its lights.

“Yeah, it was just a really simple wiring problem that must have happened if he got knocked around.” Fitz picked up Dopey and let it fly, circling it around their heads. “I fixed it in, like, 10 minutes.”

The room suddenly became awkwardly silent, except for Dopey’s blades whirring as it was flying around the room. It had never been this awkward between them, not counting the past two months.

Jemma decided to break the silence by saying, “So, you remember everything that happened? Like, what happened with Ward and SHIELD and…in the pod?”

Not making eye contact, Fitz solemnly nodded. “Sorry ‘bout what happened in the pod, by the way.”

Jemma didn’t know how to respond. On one hand, she was thrilled that he was back and was willing to forgive him, but on the other hand, she was so furious that he had put the choice of her life in his own hands.

She took a deep breath, then said, “I just can’t believe that you thought I would be better off living without you.” She quickly glanced up at Fitz, who was staring at his feet like it was the most interesting in the world, before also looking down at her own feet.

After almost a minute of silence, Fitz said, “I thought that I wouldn’t live, and I knew that I would rather you live if I die, than knowing you died. I couldn’t live if you didn’t because…well, you now know why.”

“Have you ever thought that I feel the same way?” Jemma blurted out. “That if you died or if you didn’t remember anything that I would be devastated. I would have rather died down there with you than live up here without you, memories or no memories.” Jemma felt the familiar sting of tears coming to her eyes, and soon, the tears started flowing down her cheeks.

“Oh, Jemma.” Fitz walked over to where she was standing and gently wiped her tears away from her cheeks. “I’m so sorry. So, so sorry.” Hesitantly, he kissed the top of her head before enveloping her in a hug.

Jemma breathed in his scent, a mixture of their lab and sweat, and it was _Fitz’s_ scent. And Jemma loved it. It was a familiar comfort that she hadn’t knew she missed until now.

Jemma knew they were going to have to work out the kinks in their relationship now that he remembered, but she knew that as long as they were together, everything would be all right eventually.


End file.
